I am a girl who has had some brilliant ministry during a three year walk with God. I have received answers to hundreds of questions, learnt to embrace the unceasing change and development to my beliefs and character, discovered how to find my own answers and have an independent faith, experienced fellowship with other believers, developed new skills and begun to understood how to use them for God, been drenched in spiritual encouragement over week long residential holidays and belonged to a church and youth group that truly serve the living God.
It's through having the kind of wonderful and accurate ministry that I've had that I'm very aware of the amount of stereotyped, patronising and limiting youth ministry (in the form of books, youth programmes, Bible studies, seminars and holidays) there is out there for young girls.
Everything I have to say in this post is not from a place of great experience in Christian youth ministry, nor from quoting a load of research statistics, but simply of being a teenage girl, a believer in Christ, and an advocate for the potential of girls to become game-changers, history makers, leaders and spokespeople of God.
The Self-Image Problem
To deny that there is a self-image crisis among teenage would be to deceive ourselves, and it's encouraging that it seems to be one of the most popular topics in girls' ministry. It's true, I think, that low self esteem is a result of a much wider influence within society - or how could it be that girls as young as 5 or 6 are considering themselves "too fat" or "too ugly" and eating disorders and body dysmorphia are commonplace in every classroom?
To go against such a deeply ingrained self-belief as so many young girls have is obviously no simple task, but I think there are some key teachings that are often being missed out. Primarily, girls need to know that it really is okay to NOT dislike themselves, their bodies, their minds. In an age where to love oneself is to go against the grain, young teenage girls - the age at which we are all trying so desperately to fit in and be liked - saying "I like myself", "I did well today" and even "I am happy" takes a lot of courage. Activities in which girls are told what is great about them or pledge to look themselves in the mirror every morning and say "I am beautiful" may be wonderful and affirming activities but they are not enough if we don't let girls know that they are permitted - no, really - to believe it.
Equally, we of course need to support the large numbers of girls who are seriously struggling with cripplingly low self esteem. I believe first and foremost that real love for oneself can come only from an understanding and belief of being founded in and loved by God, which I'll talk more about later.
Equally, we of course need to support the large numbers of girls who are seriously struggling with cripplingly low self esteem. I believe first and foremost that real love for oneself can come only from an understanding and belief of being founded in and loved by God, which I'll talk more about later.
The Christian Life - It's Not For The Faint-Hearted
When I'm looking for new materials to develop my walk with God - devotionals, Christian lifestyle books and magazines etc - I'm likely to be looking for something specific to my gender, age or personality. It's more relevant, easier to comprehend and more likely to contain the kind of content I need. For the same reason, I think occasional gender split teaching sessions are beneficial. But why is it that when delving into female-specific materials can the Christian life suddenly seem so much more twee, dainty, delicate?
I do completely believe that boys- and girls-groups can be beneficial in ministry, in the same way that I am likely to look for Christian lifestyle books/magazines/devotionals that are specific to my age or gender or personality - it's more relevant, easier to comprehend and more likely to be the kind of teaching I need. But why is it that when delving into female-specific materials can the Christian life suddenly seem so much more twee? Delicate?
God made men and women different. He gave us different strengths and weaknesses, and perhaps he calls us to different things. I believe and cherish this thought, but I reject the notion that women are made to lead lives that are twee, dainty or delicate.
Was Esther timid, polite, a shrinking violet? Or did she walk courageously and with purpose to do God's will?
Did Mary aim to please people, or to serve God?
Women in the Bible led full and exciting lives because they walked the walk of faith - which is not for the faint-hearted! The incredible life of adventure we've chosen by choosing to walk with God is not limited only to men, so girls too need to be equipped for adventure.
The first and biggest thing I need to get off my chest on this topic is we have to stop referring to celibacy as purity. Words and labels like this are packed with meaning, and what we are essentially saying is that to have had sex is to be impure. This is alienating and hurtful for the girls who have stumbled in their promises - or indeed made their own decision not to save sex for marriage. More than that, it simply isn't a true label. We are ALL impure, and we can ALL only be saved through Christ. Sexual sin is no worse than any other sin, yet it has so much weight laid on it!
The right way to instill a healthy view of sex and relationships in girls is not to scare them! I once read a Christian lifestyle book for teenage girls of which just about every chapter was a new reason to be terrified of sex and relationships. One chapter even made a connection between sex and subsequent death. I kid you not! Teenage girls need to be taught the REAL reasons and biblical truths as to why they should choose abstinence. This provides a firm standing and a truth we can hold onto which lies and anxieties cannot.
As a side note, I feel that books like the one I mentioned above are the reason that teaching discernment is so so important for young people. It's something I took a while to learn in my walk, having been going through the motions and pretty much believing any Christian literature I read or teaching I received, until an episode of Say That podcast (from The Bridge Chicago) which pointed out the idea that adult Christians - even pastors and trusted mentors - could at times be wrong. This sounds like an obvious statement, but as a new Christian, I was extremely impressionable and it's a lesson I'm very glad I learnt when I did. That's not to say that mentors and youth leaders and pastors and parents and god parents and whoever else can't also be a huge blessing!
Was Esther timid, polite, a shrinking violet? Or did she walk courageously and with purpose to do God's will?
Did Mary aim to please people, or to serve God?
Women in the Bible led full and exciting lives because they walked the walk of faith - which is not for the faint-hearted! The incredible life of adventure we've chosen by choosing to walk with God is not limited only to men, so girls too need to be equipped for adventure.
Sex, Relationships and Celibacy
A vow to remain sexually abstinent until marriage is a beautiful promise and an amazing commitment to God. It's also a very personal thing and maybe not an easy topic to talk about, but nonetheless it's perhaps the topic that young people want to know about the most, because we're young and we're confused and the Christian viewpoint when it comes to sex is so very counter-cultural.The first and biggest thing I need to get off my chest on this topic is we have to stop referring to celibacy as purity. Words and labels like this are packed with meaning, and what we are essentially saying is that to have had sex is to be impure. This is alienating and hurtful for the girls who have stumbled in their promises - or indeed made their own decision not to save sex for marriage. More than that, it simply isn't a true label. We are ALL impure, and we can ALL only be saved through Christ. Sexual sin is no worse than any other sin, yet it has so much weight laid on it!
The right way to instill a healthy view of sex and relationships in girls is not to scare them! I once read a Christian lifestyle book for teenage girls of which just about every chapter was a new reason to be terrified of sex and relationships. One chapter even made a connection between sex and subsequent death. I kid you not! Teenage girls need to be taught the REAL reasons and biblical truths as to why they should choose abstinence. This provides a firm standing and a truth we can hold onto which lies and anxieties cannot.
As a side note, I feel that books like the one I mentioned above are the reason that teaching discernment is so so important for young people. It's something I took a while to learn in my walk, having been going through the motions and pretty much believing any Christian literature I read or teaching I received, until an episode of Say That podcast (from The Bridge Chicago) which pointed out the idea that adult Christians - even pastors and trusted mentors - could at times be wrong. This sounds like an obvious statement, but as a new Christian, I was extremely impressionable and it's a lesson I'm very glad I learnt when I did. That's not to say that mentors and youth leaders and pastors and parents and god parents and whoever else can't also be a huge blessing!
Obedience and Grace - an identity in God
Everything I've written so far for me links back to the one key thing that is so vital in ministry of all people, but is perhaps particularly relevant for the all-change confusing soul-searching time that is early adolescence: having an identity rooted in God, and in God alone.
I'm not going to preach about what the best way to do teach this is, because I don't know. I just know that diving into a life led by God results in integrity, courage and joy. I don't think that having a true understanding of God can really be taught through great sermons and a few touching devotionals (although they're awesome), it's something that I suppose is learnt over time. I know, despite having had a huge learning curve over the past year or so, that I'm still discovering my identity in God and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Starting this learning process early is wonderful. And it's possible! Us young people are, in fact, capable of deep reflection on God. Just as God wants teenagers to be part of his Kingdom and serve him, he allows us to have some understanding of him. 1 Timothy 4:12 says this: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." What an empowering and wonderful verse for young people!
Rachel Gardner (founder of the Romance Academy, author of the fabulous Cherished) tweeted this yesterday, and I think it just sums up everything I wanted to say in this post more eloquently than I ever could, and in less than 140 characters!
As I said before, I'm not an expert in theology or youth work (or even blogging!), but I do know what it's like to be a teenage girl. I'd love to hear your thoughts on girls ministry - what do you think is good about it? What do you think girls need more of? Which amazing materials have you come across? Leave a comment, tweet me or go click on the Contact Me page.
